My day Off

Mmk, my schedule kinda goes like this:

Have sex @ like 2am
Wake up at 7
Update my online networks
Eat..I think oatmeal
Get dressed
Morning routine : hair face teeth
Run
Chill w/ beebers
withdraw 400$ for the car auction thursday..
call back my potential "clients" (i think i missed a paid gig =/ )
Sushi w/ Neva..
Uhh idk after
Eat and talk while watchin t.v.
Shower
Night routine (same as day)
Chill
sleep
(i need to read the Bible, dnt lemme forget)

*sidenotes, my love life is s0oper c0ol for now..I didnt want to see my mom yesterday b/c shes been on hard drugs but I had to, s0o yea..I love her, I just dont want to relive what I lived..
*omg I cant i didnt think before I told brandon that we're going to vegas, I thought we had ALL planned to go (me neva prisana and brandon) i forgot at the time I wasnt with him. I dnt want to upset him or make him feel unincluded by telling him "oh i forgot you cant go" but at the same time i dont want to them to be like oh lets invite amber, wait, she always brings her b.f. along. I can totally understand if this is a girls thing! but if it was then, genevas gonna be with mikey. hmm..i dnt want to upset or disappoint anyone, plus im supposed to be prisanas company. But no worries b/c I remember because brandon said he would leave for like a day to see his vegas family. and he s0o gets along with mikey. And while hes gone me and prisana can chill. I can s0o balance this. plus I wanna see my uncle. it would be my first road trip so things should work out. as long as theyre okay with it too. and idk if were riding in nevas car or brandons/mine or if were taking both. I think we'd save gas taking one but if we all want to do different things then two?? unless we can drop brandon off and do our thing and get him when he calls...and then with work, that week ill tell her to make me work like 8 hours to make up for the days off. BUT hopefully mollys not gonna be a BITCH about it...we will see in due time. one of my baddest habits (0r g0od) besides cracking my knuckles is that im a planning freak, and the future doesnt follow your plans, s0o why worry?? omg ok, s0o imma ask neva later when she comes over...*fingers crossed* =D

tomorrow geneva and prisana are coming over for MORE sushi and movies
thursday i go to the car auction with geneva and brandon
I hope prisana and geneva are getting along now..

much love!!

Amber Mmmm!
xOxOxO

The Update

Okay, so here's the big story:

Ok so my b.f. broke it off a couple of days ago, to make matters worse I didnt even know!, until I stated we were together the next day and he told me he didnt know I thought that. On top of that he started being all extra nice, saying hes there as a "friend". That kills me, when someone you love soo much and someone your giving your all to make it work, is cool with you just as a friend. Then out of nowhere, as if acting nice wasnt bad enough, he started kissing me and doing all the things I wanted him to do when we were together!!!!. Now Im like ok do we go out or no. My mind is soo lost because Ill flip between getting used to the him that acts like we're together and the him that acts like were not. and if we're not WE LIVE TOGETHER so how am I supposed to get over him this way?! And ever since I started showing emotion back I've just been getting neglected. And it really hurts because I soo am showing him all the love I possibly can. And assholes like kyrel are incouraging him to mess with other people and he's going for it! I gave him a backrub last night and he rolled over and talked about fucking other girls. White girls, geez that makes me feel better, my roomies are white! She had the nerve to convince him to breakup with me when its none of her business No matter what anyone told me I didnt listen, wow so youre telling me one person comes along and opposes us and you agree?! reality check, Im the one living here not him. So you gotta get along with me, and your just helping him ruin his life more, you could have got him put out. Im not that mean. But everything bad that happens to him is supposedly my fault anyways. To do all this stuff for him and him degrade me saying Im less than a woman and all the other stuff, is a huge blow to my ego. idk what to do! Im trying and giving it my all. I guess the next thing thats left to do is give up. but i wont let myself right now, I know before this I saw him as the bad person in the relationship, and deep down inside i know he had a huge negative impact on it, but I wont let myself believe it, I convinced myself its all my fault. I dont know why im trying to make it work when hes not trying anymore. Im wasting my time. man, and when i start to get a social life, i dont want to because i want to be with him plus if i talk to someone else right now i really shouldnt because im not closing one off before the other and thats not fair to them, or what could be. So I met this guy and turns out I know him from somewhere, hes 21 and real mature & cute (from the outside) and he lives right up the street from me, he asked me to go out to eat with him, and it sparked a little interest, but like i said im working on brandon right now and i wont make a move with someone else unless me and brandon are a done deal, it feels like it, on my side, but its not confirmed. So I dont want to feel like i used that guy to get a drink but idk what to do. I just wish things were back to the way they were. But they're not, and I am where I am. I know what I did, and this, is my karma...I guess..

signed, sealed, delivered..

Amber Mmmm!
xOxOxO

horoscopes

the bold are the ones which apply to me:

Daily Flirt:

a little time thinking about the right way to get things done, then take baby steps until you're where you want to be. Slow things down, no matter how excited you are to move forward. Spend

Daily Couples:

You need to get some answers, but you're not even sure what the questions are. If your partner's worried, tell them you just need a little more time to yourself to work things out.

Daily Singles:

One minute you want to be alone, the next you're bemoaning your singledom. Let the moods come and go, but try to figure out why you're flip-flopping so wildly at the moment.

Quickie

You're moving through a new social phase. Use this time of solitude to recharge.

Overview

Self-reflection isn't one of your favorite hobbies, but today is a great time to get some new insights into who you are and what you do. Look in the mirror and soak up a few clues.

Overview

You're the life of the party right now(?), and around people is where you want to be. Jump into the festivities with both feet, show off your conversational skills and slay 'em with your wit. Anyone new you meet will be instantly enamored of you. If you're single, one of these fresh admirers may turn into something romantic; if you're coupled up, your honey will get a kick out of this social butterfly version of you.

Rather than letting moodiness rule your workday, diagnose its source. Perhaps something at home is bothering you, or maybe you just need some exercise. Be proactive and get back to your positive self.

Its a super looong story, trust. All I know is that I dont know if Im single or not. I mean if your gonna break it off do it completely and dont show me love. It just makes it harder on me. But if you keep kissing me and saying you love me then you obviously wanna be with me, or have sex. Man I wanna sock the shit out of my roomie for getting him to break up with me. Bitch...Anyways, idk what to say Ive been in and out of depression for the past week. I DONT EVEN EAT ANYMORE!! and if i do its only sushi....ill update you guys later. I got work


peace & Love...
not..
hate & war..
Amber =[

...

have you ever like, wanted to die???




...thats how I'm feeling right now...