The Update

Okay, so here's the big story:

Ok so my b.f. broke it off a couple of days ago, to make matters worse I didnt even know!, until I stated we were together the next day and he told me he didnt know I thought that. On top of that he started being all extra nice, saying hes there as a "friend". That kills me, when someone you love soo much and someone your giving your all to make it work, is cool with you just as a friend. Then out of nowhere, as if acting nice wasnt bad enough, he started kissing me and doing all the things I wanted him to do when we were together!!!!. Now Im like ok do we go out or no. My mind is soo lost because Ill flip between getting used to the him that acts like we're together and the him that acts like were not. and if we're not WE LIVE TOGETHER so how am I supposed to get over him this way?! And ever since I started showing emotion back I've just been getting neglected. And it really hurts because I soo am showing him all the love I possibly can. And assholes like kyrel are incouraging him to mess with other people and he's going for it! I gave him a backrub last night and he rolled over and talked about fucking other girls. White girls, geez that makes me feel better, my roomies are white! She had the nerve to convince him to breakup with me when its none of her business No matter what anyone told me I didnt listen, wow so youre telling me one person comes along and opposes us and you agree?! reality check, Im the one living here not him. So you gotta get along with me, and your just helping him ruin his life more, you could have got him put out. Im not that mean. But everything bad that happens to him is supposedly my fault anyways. To do all this stuff for him and him degrade me saying Im less than a woman and all the other stuff, is a huge blow to my ego. idk what to do! Im trying and giving it my all. I guess the next thing thats left to do is give up. but i wont let myself right now, I know before this I saw him as the bad person in the relationship, and deep down inside i know he had a huge negative impact on it, but I wont let myself believe it, I convinced myself its all my fault. I dont know why im trying to make it work when hes not trying anymore. Im wasting my time. man, and when i start to get a social life, i dont want to because i want to be with him plus if i talk to someone else right now i really shouldnt because im not closing one off before the other and thats not fair to them, or what could be. So I met this guy and turns out I know him from somewhere, hes 21 and real mature & cute (from the outside) and he lives right up the street from me, he asked me to go out to eat with him, and it sparked a little interest, but like i said im working on brandon right now and i wont make a move with someone else unless me and brandon are a done deal, it feels like it, on my side, but its not confirmed. So I dont want to feel like i used that guy to get a drink but idk what to do. I just wish things were back to the way they were. But they're not, and I am where I am. I know what I did, and this, is my karma...I guess..

signed, sealed, delivered..

Amber Mmmm!
xOxOxO