For Giving, Forgiving

7/23/2009
7:45 AM

*the blue typing are the things I've added in after the poem. (Note the u.s. not capitalized & the alternation between forgiving and for giving.) Try reading with and without the add-ins.

For Giving, Forgiving:

I want to thank God for letting me live another day
For opening my eyelids so I can declare to be awake
For living in the united states so I can claim to be somewhat free
For giving me the drive, the desire to be all that I want to be
(all that I CAN be, like the navy)
For giving his sons life, to purge me of my sins
Forgiving me each time I sin over and over again
For GIVING me each time to I use to sin over and over again
After all, we're only human.
For giving me a functioning mind to learn from my mistakes
For two arms to welcome love, and two cheeks to turn to hate
(For giving me a heart fragile enough to break
For giving me endurance, so all this, I can take)
For giving me a voice, to praise His Holy Name
For giving me two hands, forgiving what they do to gain
For giving me this pen this paper, for the inspiration in my thoughts.
For giving me the creativity to say: We think what we are, but we are what we're not.
...(we're really taught)...

-Amen-


xOxO
Amber M.

Life

Man, I realized how many things are piling up: medical bills, taxes, work, school, exercise, and church. Im knocking them out one by one. IF SOMEONE WOULD WAKE UP we can get the show on the road. I NEED to learn to drive. Anywho, the kidd from the last blog, Im with him we're having a "trial" session. I know youre thinking im love dumb. But Im just following the Bibles advice and see where it gets me =] s0o if you wanna knock me for being religous then fine! Anywho.. Ill keep you updated later



Laters!

=]

Falling..

Out of a lot of things. Out of blindness. Out of Being Pressured. Out of Love. Into reality. Into being free. I've come to realize Ive been tricking myself (and Ive been tricked) into being happy when I knew I wasn't from the start. People said it will feel soo good when Im out of this ditch. And though Im not yet out, just REALIZING that Im on my way out feels amazing! Its like walking through a long dark tunnel and seeing signs of life at the other end. Im glad I didnt wait too long to realize. Speaking of walking long dark roads, I literally walked from sdsu to my house because the trolley stopped running and brandon wasnt on aim. Despite that, He took my toothbrush ate my ice cream locked my door twice and yelled at me. But it doesnt hurt anymore. Because Im not chasing an impossible thing. I cant wait to get back to me! I realized I was forcing myself to model when I dont feel like it. I mean yes maxim is awesome but I realized that in every aspect of life if you aren't happy then it means nothing. Ive been praying so long for deliverance and began to think that maybe that sad route was meant for me or that maybe i was doing something wrong. But Hes taking me out of the mud and putting my feed on solid ground. Im going to castings that I feel Im going to start eating and dressing right Im going to work out take music classes only model when I feel Im ready and Im going to attempt to stop cracking my knuckles. In january Brandons supposed to join the navy and I hope to God he does. Not just for me but for him. Ive been trying with him soo long it would bring me satisfaction to see that he lives on. After that, I will have overcome something so great (to overcome an abusive relationship. wow) and Im going to inform other of it, even thought love is hardheaded, it doesnt hurt to try. After that maybe I will have enough money saved and Ill be in shape and Im planning on getting my license by then. I will go to la and look for a roomie a job and get accustomed/find the area I like best. Then I will move (a HUGE step) and My career will take off from there. All while attending school. Where will life take me?! We'll see if I stay on track or go completely off or only veer off for a little..SIGH OF RELIEF....THANKS GOD!

-that's the way love goes!..-


Amber McKinney